The Massage Parasite

Everyone who gives massages has come across one at some point. The person who pretends to be an interested client, asks several perfectly legitimate questions, wants to hear your voice because somehow they need to get a feeling for you before they can make an appointment.

Especially when I had just started giving massages, I was well intentioned. The massage parasite has entered my head and my system more than once. Being flattered that someone wanted to receive a massage from me and was willing to pay me for it naturally made me very open and willing to engage.

Because, well, it wasn't that strange, was it? Wanting to hear the voice of the person who is going to be touching you for an hour. Well, let me explain to you just how strange that actually is.

Serious clients care about the massage. The relaxation they experience, the life energy that starts flowing through the body again. They have heard about you through social media, other clients or simply your website. They don't need to hear your voice.

Because guess what, if all goes well, you're not talking all that much during the massage anyway.

You don't ask a physiotherapist for a consultation first just to hear their voice. So why would you ask a massage therapist?

Mistake number one.

But okay, I thought: one phone call can't hurt. Surely a phone call would lead to an appointment, and an appointment was indeed made, because I wasn't completely commercially stupid either.

The appointment was subsequently cancelled because the dog's little toenail had a crack in it and, apparently, he didn't really feel much of a connection after all.

Ah, interesting.

What did that do to me?

For the first two hours I thought: oh, loser, fuck off with your bullshit, go away with your nonsense.

But afterwards I felt used. This had to stop.

As if the universe is playing games, shortly afterwards you get perfectly normal and nice people and the whole incident fades into the background.

And there he is again.

An extremely polite email with absolutely nothing wrong with it.

“I would like to receive a tantra massage from you. What are the possibilities?”

Well, I no longer do one-off massages. If you want to work with me, there is a tantra programme that starts with a 30-minute intake for €45. If we click and you want to continue with the programme, it consists of three sessions and the cost of the intake is deducted from the total.

Maybe you'd like to think about it for a while.

Yes, that required some thought. Which I completely understand. We're talking about several hundred euros here, money you could also spend on plenty of other nice things. So you know what, take your time and think about it.

But that thinking often comes with a whole lot of questions.

Questions you really don't need to ask me.

“How far is the location from the nearest bus stop?”

Which is followed by:

“Well, then I'll just come by car because that's what I usually do anyway.”

The person isn't interested in the answer. It's the question they're interested in. The contact. Wanting to stay connected with you while at the same time making you believe that they are a serious client, even though they know perfectly well that they are never actually going to book a session.

That, and exactly that, is what massage parasites do.

What do these people think? That we have nothing better to do than sit around waiting for nice little contact moments with potential clients?

I honestly have no idea what drives someone like that.

Because this is a business matter and I'm not particularly fond of wasting time, I came up with the programme. But even the most cunning people still manage to find their way through it.

And the result is that horrible feeling again. That feeling of having been used for something that crosses your boundaries.

As I write this, I realise that I may be making a mistake here.

A prostitute names her price and gets paid upfront. Done. She actually handles it a lot smarter.

No, the massage parasite doesn't want to go to a prostitute. He doesn't want paid phone sex. He wants to pretend to be a respectable client, while in the meantime sending photos and videos and wanting contact moments, even though none of that is part of the massage, the programme or anything else.

Let's see. How could this possibly come about?

I think, and these are my thoughts, so maybe you think something completely different.

I think it comes from the idea someone has about massage.

For convenience, I'll use the male form here.

He sees you on social media or on your website and thinks something along the lines of:

“Hey, what a hot woman. Oh, she does massages too. Well, that's basically the same as sex, so I can just put my needs on her. Can I really do that? Yeah, I'll just do it. Send messages and get hard cocks in the meantime. That's not illegal, is it?”

Because he finds you attractive and would like something more than just a massage or a tantra session, he comes up with a way to get what he wants anyway.

The massage parasite is always after more than just the massage.

Sometimes playing the victim is a very good trick.

“My wife is sick.”

“My wife is dead.”

“I'm so lonely.”

“It would help me so much if you brought me to a climax.”

Now, of course, you're perfectly free to do something with that as a massage therapist. Nothing wrong with that. But be aware that you are not being paid for it. And that the massage therapists who are not looking for this kind of thing are the ones who end up having an even harder time.

Personally, I also find it very unpleasant when someone grabs my hand during the massage or manoeuvres themselves under my hands in such a way that touching a genitals becomes unavoidable.

Don't do it, dear parasite.

You are crossing a boundary.

And I'm not talking only about men here.

But isn't this just a risk of the profession? Shouldn't we simply look past it because there are plenty of lovely and respectful clients?

No.

I don't look past it.

You don't ask the same thing of your dentist, so don't ask it of me either.

The parasite takes up space and time the moment they get in contact with you. After that, making an appointment is always another whole thing. And in the end, count it up, you're at least ten messages further along and haven't made a single euro.

Of course we do our work from a passion that is enormous. It's not just about money.

But what it is about is honesty.

An honesty we expect from everyone who comes to take a little bit of our energy and gives energy back in the form of money.

If you don't do that and you're actually indulging your sensual or sexual needs through the massage therapist, then you're not being honest.

And therefore, you're a parasite.

Because you, parasite, know perfectly well that if you were honest from the beginning, your little games would be over very quickly.

Let's see what that would look like.

Parasite:

“Hello, I don't actually want to make an appointment at all, but I do want to send lots of messages. I definitely want to talk to you for thirty minutes so I can unload my needs and my misery onto you. Then you can respond with empathy and tell me which tantric techniques you could use on me.”

And when we hang up, I'm so turned on that there is a nice ejaculation with your name on it against the ceiling or, more often, into a tissue. Then I can carry on with my work as the parasite.

And you, the well-intentioned and customer-friendly massage therapist, carry on with your work too, hoping that a booking will come from it. Sometimes you've already pencilled an appointment into your diary, or even written it in ink.

Of course, as an experienced massage therapist, you've got correction fluid ready.

But still.

And that is exactly where the problem lies for me.

You, parasite, have had your moment. Your excitement, your attention, your fantasy and perhaps even your climax.

And me?

I've spent half an hour talking to you, going back and forth in messages, thinking along with you, making space for you in my head and perhaps even making space for you in my diary.

And in return, there is absolutely nothing.

Not because you eventually decided you didn't want a massage. That can of course happen.

But because you weren't honest from the beginning about what you were really there to get.

For me, if this happens again, I need to take that leg press at the gym and push it away with a little extra sound and force.

I need to get some of that aggression out somehow.

Because listen:

I have absolutely no judgement about different forms of arousal.

What I do have a problem with is using people on an unequal basis.

You want something, but you know perfectly well that if you were honest about it, you wouldn't get it.

Why this then belongs under tantra or massage, I honestly don't understand.

But sometimes I guess there are things I simply don't see.

The reason I'm writing about this is because it irritates me and because I want to warn everyone working in massage or tantra about people like this.

They are getting smarter.

They take more and more energy.

And if you're not careful, they leave you with a horrible feeling.

Because even if an appointment eventually does happen and money is paid, the process leading up to it can still be disrespectful.

And that, dear people, is something you don't have to put up with from anyone.

It's just like sex.

It should feel good before, during and afterwards.

And money does not make disrespectful behaviour okay for me.

The fact that the intake has already been paid does not change the fact that I still feel like I've been led on.

Maybe you're thinking now:

“Woman, what are you making such a fuss about? Every entrepreneur deals with this from time to time, right?”

But precisely because this is about much more than buying material things or providing a service such as painting someone's window frames, it feels different to me.

This is about opening your heart.

About making a connection.

About connecting with someone's energy in that particular moment.

And that is precisely why it hurts when someone treats that connection disrespectfully.

Well, I had to get that off my chest.

Sometimes my fingers just want to hammer away at the keyboard and often something comes out that I feel is important.

Thank you for reading.

And who knows, maybe it will help you avoid some disappointments.

Love,

Christina